Learning How Trauma Affects Children: Steve and Preston’s Story
Without much time to prepare, Steve and his wife Angela welcomed their nephew, Preston, into their home for a kinship placement. They knew the road ahead would be tough. With three sons, adding another child to their family dynamic caused a significant shift. But a deeper challenge took precedence: Preston had experienced severe neglect. This brought a host of emotional and behavioral struggles as well as strained relationships. Steve shares the story of his nephew’s journey and how one of our partners made a “life-changing” difference.
Understanding How Trauma Affects Children
Thankfully, Steve knew Jenni Lord, CEO of our partner Chosen, and sought the help his family needed. Chosen provides parent coaching to adoptive families to ease the transition into their new lives together. The services are free and utilize the most up-to-date psychological techniques. Steve and Angela soon connected with a Care Manager, or counselor, who walked with them every step of the process.
One of the first breakthroughs came when Steve and Angela learned about how trauma affects children. Childhood trauma hinders brain development and often results in unhealthy attachment styles. It can also manifest in aggressive, risky, or otherwise unhealthy behaviors. With this new understanding, Steve and Angela reframed their nephew’s actions through a different lens. They weren’t dealing with a rebellious child—they were supporting a child who struggled to trust, feel safe, and communicate his needs.
“[It was] the real unlock for us,” Steve shares. “Preston had been severely neglected, and he was struggling with underdeveloped parts of his brain, which made his behavior even more challenging.”
Safety and Connection as Healing
For Steve and his family, the first step in the healing process was helping Preston feel safe. After experiencing neglect, exiting survival mode posed a significant hurdle. Steve reflects on the process, recounting how he juggled long periods of withdrawal followed by emotional explosions.
“He never really felt safe before,” Steve says. “And so much of the battle was just about showing him that he was loved and safe, and that we would be consistent, even when things got tough. The emotional ups and downs weren’t a reflection of how much we loved him—they were part of the healing process.”
In addition to receiving direct support from Chosen, the family learned how to communicate these insights to their three sons, helping them understand Preston’s behavior in age-appropriate ways.
“It wasn’t just about us,” Steve says. “We had to make sure our boys also understood how trauma affects people so they could be a part of the healing process, too.”
After months of practical guidance and support, Steve and Angela began to feel more confident in their ability to support their nephew.
Small Moments of Trust, Big Steps Forward
One of the most significant moments came when Preston began to open up emotionally. After a long time of keeping things to himself, he showed Steve and Angela a drawing. This little action revealed he was finally beginning to trust.
“It might seem like a small thing, but it was huge. It was the first time he let us in on something personal,” Steve recalls. “It showed us that he was starting to feel safe enough to let us in.”
This growing connection led to even deeper breakthroughs. One afternoon, after a minor conflict between the boys, Preston shared something profound with Steve and Angela.
“He said, ‘I need to stop lying to myself about what happened to me.’ It was the most clearly he had ever talked about his past, and he said it in front of the other boys. It was a big deal.”
A New Chapter of Hope
Today, Steve and his family credit Chosen’s support for the transformation in their family. Rather than just sharing information, they received practical tools and actionable plans. Progress continues, but Steve is proud of how far they’ve come.
“Change is slow,” he says. “It’s like melting an iceberg with a hair dryer, but it’s happening. It’s been life-changing for our family.”
As for Preston, he learns more every day that he is loved, safe, and wanted.
For Others works to end the child welfare crisis in part by supporting ideal family placements for children placed in foster or kinship care. When you give through For Others, you help our partners like Chosen serve these families as they navigate their new lives together. Children and families deserve to thrive, and we can ensure they never need to walk alone. You can help us serve even more families! Join the For Others Collective by making a donation today.
