Fostering children comes with many responsibilities and requirements, and new foster parents may feel overwhelmed. Even though the work can be incredibly meaningful, bringing a foster child into your home can be intimidating, especially since foster children often have trauma that they bring with them. To help you feel empowered and supported, we’ve compiled some of the best practices for first time foster parents.
Our Guide for First-Time Foster Parents
Seek out local resources.
Before your child arrives, take note of nearby resources for new foster parents. Support groups, information centers, government assistance, and social support all play key roles in an effective support system. In particular, look for local wraparound programs, nonprofits, or churches that support foster families and children. Knowing where to go for all your questions helps set you up for success.
Seeking resources also means gathering supplies for a child’s potential needs in advance. Children of all ages, backgrounds, religions, and circumstances enter foster care, so stocking up on a variety of essentials helps cover all bases. Make a list of items to buy with a few specialty items included. For example:
- Toothbrushes and toothpaste
- Hair care products for various hair types
- Bath supplies (older children may need additional items like shaving tools or feminine hygiene products)
- Toys and books
- Blankets, plushies, or other comfort items
- Frozen meals in case of last-minute emergency placements
- Snacks, including those without the “Big Nine” most common allergens
Write a welcome message.
Some foster parents like to prepare a welcome message for a new child in their home. This can be sent in advance or given to them on arrival. Welcome messages introduce you, your family, and your home so the child’s new environment doesn’t feel so unfamiliar. Welcome notes also provide a great opportunity to offer words of encouragement and support during a traumatic time.
Plan fun activities.
Activities temporarily distract children from the rollercoaster of moving homes and help put them at ease. Plan activities ahead of time so you don’t need to think of something to do on the spot. What activities make children feel comfortable? Some ideas include coloring with chalk, swimming, riding bikes, playing games or sports, or simple crafts.
Be flexible and patient.
Children in foster care go through the trauma of being separated from their families, and many find themselves shuffled around between foster homes. Because of this, they might not open up immediately. Let them build trust in you over time, and be prepared to adapt to their individual needs. Be prepared for it to take a while; consistency and consideration of their unique personality and interests show you care.
Be vulnerable first.
Being open with a child in foster care helps them get to know you and feel comfortable around you. Children appreciate when an adult behaves honestly and authentically with them. It builds trust much more quickly, and it can reduce awkwardness and tension. In many cases, being vulnerable first helps others be vulnerable, too.
How To Help a Child Adjust to Foster Care
Arriving in a new place, often without warning, leads to feelings of unease and insecurity in most children. Help them settle in and feel comfortable by:
- Establishing routines
- Being a good listener
- Following through with promises and stated intentions
- Letting them have freedom and individuality
Each of these steps provides a sense of stability and safety without being stifling. Your home’s interior can also be planned to offer maximum comfort. Creating a calming home through intentional color choices, soft textures, pleasing scents, and spaces like a calm-down corner all add to the tranquility of your home.
Remember, each child is unique, whether they’re your first foster placement or your 50th. No placement will be the same, and it’s okay not to have all the answers. In times of crisis, children don’t need a perfect foster family. They just want a family who loves them unconditionally. Rely on family, friends, and the community for help. Most importantly, remember that you’re keeping a child safe and providing a refuge during stressful times.
We love supporting foster families, and we’d love to support yours. If you have a need, please email us at info@forothers.com so we can connect you with our partners and resources in your area.
